76% Uncertain Interview

Originally printed in Spinal Jaundice #3 – 1987


Or at least I think…but anyway a righteous rap. Cheers guys. Interview with band by speakerphone.

MJ: What’s this question going to be?

- How do you get 4 ounces of milk into one slice of cheese?
- Why can’t you put metal into microwaves.
- You ask questions.

MJ: Okay so are you guys like straight edge or what?
- (resounding) NO.
- Well actually one of us is but the rest of us are total potheads.
- We won’t name names.
- This is like being in the movies.

MJ: So what are some favorite movies?
- Bloodsucking Freaks.
- Spinal Tap. Definitely.

MJ: Do you think there are many bands that took Spinal Tap seriously even though it was really a parody?
- Yeah.
- I think we are. (laughter)

MJ: Tell, are ya like planning on plans for new material (?)
- Well we’re all writing songs except for Kenny. He’s not.
- We’re going to re-release Black Cabbage’s “Escalating Pig Maggis.” (Nah – MJ)

MJ: What’s Kenny’s trip.
- He’s real embarrassed. He will just freeze up. (laughter)

MJ: What kind of muzak do you listen to mostly?
- Moody Blues. (yells)
- X, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Slayer.

MJ: So at my expense is there anyone you guys want to slag via this publication.
- Slag? Yeah.
- Volcano Suns. I think they suck fuckin hard.
- Anyone who milks success off like one album and doesn’t do anything.

MJ: Yeah, I’m going to be in trouble. Okay…history. Who was a musical influence?
- Heart. (laughter)
- Anything hard rock. Hard rock.

MJ: Would you ever dig playing a carnival?
- Yes. Fuckin I’d love to play at a carnival.
- Like warm up for a puppet show.
- Wait…we got something for you.


MJ: Are you guys experimenting?
- Ahh…feedback.
- Feedback is what we live for.
- Yeah we’re always experimenting with like angel dust and stuff.
- No, wait…now all the straight edgers won’t like us.

MJ: What do you think of the whole ‘positive’ hardcore deal?
- I positively hate it.
- I heard a lot of Positive Force bands don’t even get paid. That’s real positive.
- It doesn’t really question a lot of things. They shouldn’t totally fuck everyone else that does shit. I mean we’re not like always shitfaced all the time and we’re not out of it.
- Are you straight edge?
MJ: Uh…no. But to me, it should be plainly interpretation and not because some bald guy says so.
- It should involve just personal interpretation.
- They shouldn’t be so high and mighty.
- I mean we like to drink. If you like went around and swiped beers from people’s hands that would be different. But we’re not all totally stupid.
- Not totally.
- I heard that if you are under 25 you’ll drive around intoxicated 8 times a year at least.

MJ: Do you want to add anything to this int?
- It would be kind of hard.
- Some salt.
- Jalapenos.

MJ: So would you ever play before a baseball game?
- Only if they had a good deli platter and a good P.A. (laughter throughout)

MJ: Any touring plans?
- We have other plans.
- Maybe on weekends.

MJ: Well I think we pretty much lost the premise of an interview now.
- I think we did long ago.
- I thought we were still talking about Spinal Tap.

MJ: So what do you got to say?
- Folks, we’re not even 76% Uncertain. We’re lying.
- Yeah, we’re just who happened to be at this house tonight.