76% Uncertain
Interview
Originally printed in Spinal Jaundice #3 – 1987
Or at least I think…but anyway a righteous rap. Cheers guys. Interview with band
by speakerphone.
MJ: What’s this question going to be?
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How do you get 4 ounces of milk into one slice of cheese?
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Why can’t you put metal into
microwaves.
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You ask questions.
MJ: Okay so are you guys like straight edge or what?
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(resounding) NO.
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Well actually one of us is but the rest of us are total potheads.
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We won’t name names.
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This is like being in the movies.
MJ: So what are some favorite movies?
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Bloodsucking Freaks.
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Spinal Tap. Definitely.
MJ: Do you think there are many bands that took Spinal Tap seriously even
though it was really a parody?
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Yeah.
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I think we are. (laughter)
MJ: Tell, are ya like planning on plans for new material (?)
- Well we’re all writing
songs except for Kenny. He’s not.
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We’re going to re-release Black Cabbage’s “Escalating Pig Maggis.” (Nah – MJ)
MJ: What’s Kenny’s trip.
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He’s real embarrassed. He will just freeze up. (laughter)
MJ: What kind of muzak do you listen to mostly?
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Moody Blues. (yells)
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X, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Slayer.
MJ: So at my expense is there anyone you guys want to slag via this
publication.
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Slag? Yeah.
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Volcano Suns. I think they suck fuckin hard.
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Anyone who milks success off like one album and doesn’t do anything.
MJ: Yeah, I’m going to be in trouble. Okay…history. Who was a musical
influence?
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Heart. (laughter)
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Anything hard rock. Hard rock.
MJ: Would you ever dig playing a carnival?
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Yes. Fuckin I’d love to play at a carnival.
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Like warm up for a puppet show.
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Wait…we got something for you.
(feedback)
MJ: Are you guys experimenting?
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Ahh…feedback.
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Feedback is what we live for.
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Yeah we’re always experimenting with like angel dust and stuff.
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No, wait…now all the straight edgers won’t like us.
MJ: What do you think of the whole ‘positive’ hardcore deal?
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I positively hate it.
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I heard a lot of Positive Force bands don’t even get paid. That’s real positive.
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It doesn’t really question a lot of things. They shouldn’t totally fuck everyone
else that does shit. I mean we’re not like always shitfaced all the time and
we’re not out of it.
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Are you straight edge?
MJ: Uh…no. But to me, it should be plainly interpretation and not because
some bald guy says so.
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It should involve just personal interpretation.
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They shouldn’t be so high and mighty.
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I mean we like to drink. If you like went around and swiped beers from people’s
hands that would be different. But we’re not all totally stupid.
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Not totally.
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I heard that if you are under 25 you’ll drive around intoxicated 8 times a year
at least.
MJ: Do you want to add anything to this int?
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It would be kind of hard.
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Some salt.
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Jalapenos.
MJ: So would you ever play before a baseball game?
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Only if they had a good deli platter and a good P.A. (laughter throughout)
MJ: Any touring plans?
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We have other plans.
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Maybe on weekends.
MJ: Well I think we pretty much lost the premise of an interview now.
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I think we did long ago.
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I thought we were still talking about Spinal Tap.
MJ: So what do you got to say?
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Folks, we’re not even 76% Uncertain. We’re lying.
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Yeah, we’re just who happened to be at this house tonight.